Comedy Sketch Scripts from The Carol Burnett Show Are Available at Contemporary Drama Service
April 23, 2013 by Jan Melvin
Authentic comedy sketch scripts from the CBS network series The Carol Burnett Show are now available from Contemporary Drama Service: The Carol Burnett Show Comedy Kits! Not a word changed! Use them in many ways:
1. Produce your own comedy show.
2. Put on a live stage show.
3. Practice comedy techniques in speech and drama class.
Preview copies of The Carol Burnett Show Comedy Kits will include only two sample sketches. PDF-ePlay comedy kits include a master copy of the sketches sent via email with performance rights and rights to reproduce copies. Performance rights are granted with a comedy kit purchase. Associate producer Robert Wright and the entire staff of the Carol Burnett Show are donating their share of profits from the sale of this comedy material to the Navajo Indian Children’s Scholarship Trust.
Comedy Kit A-1, Five sketches for stage presentations.
1. Red Dust — An MGM jungle movie parody. 2. Return to Andy Hardy — A parody of the Hardy Brothers movies. 3. As the Stomach Turns — A soap opera parody. 4. Alice Portnoy and the Bank Robbers — Alice puts the finger on four gangsters and ends up with all the loot. 5. Old Folks #1 — Old Molly cools old Bert’s ardor with one-liner put-downs. Packet of 5 sketches with 11 scripts.
Comedy Kit A-2, Three movie parodies and a comedy sketch.
1. Lovely Story — A tearjerker take-off of the bittersweet epic. Lots of sight gags and comic lines. 2. The Most Happy Stella — A silly spoof of the Broadway musical, A Most Happy Fellow. Old Nick gets his mail-order bride, but loses her. 3. Flight #13 to Nowhere — Remember the suspenseful movie Airport? Any resemblance between this and the original is comically accidental. 4. As the Stomach Turns — Another episode of the soap opera where everything happens to everybody. A teenage temptress destroys the home and every man who enters it, from Gramps to the good village doctor. Elegantly exaggerated. Packet of 4 sketches with 16 scripts
Comedy Kit A-3, Five selected sketches for casual presentation with limited props and staging requirements.
1. Bonnie & Clod — A take-off on the movie, Bonnie & Clyde. 2. The Coffee Commercial — Two members of the Garden Club are asked to do a TV testimonial. It ends up in a free-for-all. 3. The Wallflowers — Two girls suffer as they wait to be asked to dance. 4. The Late Date — Little sister stays out too late. Everyone gets hysterical with worry. 5. Hospital Nudge — George is ready for major surgery, but gets no sympathy from his wife, Zelda. Packet of 5 sketches with 9 scripts
Comedy Kit A-4, Five medium-length comedy/variety sketches.
1. High School Classmates — When Sophia and Harriet meet several years after graduation, Harriet doesn’t let Sophia forget how much better she has done. 2. Insurance Adjuster — Herbert and Sylvia purchase a homeowner’s policy from an All-Heart Insurance salesman. When fire destroys their house, they discover how much heart there is in All-Heart! 3. Fireside Girl — Alice Portnoy, sweet little Fireside Girl, raises money for her group using very unsweet methods on her poor bachelor neighbor. 4. The Rolls Royce — Two ugly Americans learn from a British salesman that they must be worthy to own this car of cars. 5. The Old Folks #2 — Bert tries to persuade Molly to take a glamorous vacation together. Packet of 5 sketches with 10 scripts.
Comedy Kit A-5, Two movie parodies and two comedies.
1. So Proudly We Heal — A stirring saga of Army nurses in World War II. 2. Guess What’s Coming to Dinner — Carol’s son brings home his chosen bride-to-be. But she’s different. In fact, she’s a mermaid! They try not to be prejudiced, with disastrous results. 3. The Exterminator — A bug exterminator loses his nerve. He loses the old killer instinct and can’t go on. His wife tricks him into making a brave comeback. 4. Prison Nudge — Poor George is about to walk the last mile. His wife, Zelda, arrives. She nags him until he wishes to depart quickly. Unfortunately, he gets a last-minute reprieve. Packet of 4 sketches with 12 scripts.
Comedy Kit A-6, One movie parody and three comedy/variety sketches.
1. Gone with the Breeze — A silly spoof of the movie, Gone with the Wind. 2. Passion on 10th Avenue — Art Carney starred in this one. Carol Burnett (Bertie) is an insanely jealous wife who thinks every woman is desperately in love with Art (Harry), her garbage-man husband. 3. The Welfare Worker — The 10th Avenue Couple (lazy slobs) are visited by a lady welfare worker. 4. The Old Folks #3 — A two-character sketch featuring the rocking chair lovers mostly reminiscing. Not much else left. Funny stuff. Packet of 4 sketches with 11 scripts.
Comedy Kit A-7, Four comedy sketches.
1. Football Widow — Nothing can tear Harry away from TV football except the sexy neighbor. He loses the game when the sisters walk off the TV. 2. Truck Stop — Nagging Zelda fancies that a truck driver is flirting with her. Weary George is asked to defend her honor and only Zelda comes out unharmed. 3. Rent-A-Car — An unsuspecting traveler at the airport gets caught in the middle of a merciless competitive conflict between the Gertz Rent-A-Car girl and her counterpart from Mavis Rent-A-Car. He ends up taking the bus. 4. Cafe Argentine — Selma and Blanche stop at a new place for lunch. But there’s no Spanish food at the Cafe Argentine — it’s all beer, knockwurst, and sauerkraut. The waiter is a Nazi hothead. The whole place is the Third Reich. They escape to the sound of machine gun fire. PDF-ePlay only.
Comedy Kit A-8, One movie parody and three comedy sketches.
1. Goldman’s Boy — A funny spoof of the prizefighter movie, Golden Boy. 2. The Show Must Go On — Jennifer Fontaine has a terrible cold, but the show must go on. 3. Airline Check-In — Every suspicious word spoken triggers a loud horn. And when someone says: Hi, Jack!, the machine goes wild. 4. As the Stomach Turns (soap opera) — Problems aplenty in Canoga Falls. PDF-ePlay only.
Comedy Kit A-9, Five medium-length comedy sketches.
1. The Howl and the Pussycat — Carol’s fiancée; accidentally gets allergy shots and starts acting like a cat as he seeks approval from Carol’s rich father. 2. Alice Portnoy at the Hospital — Alice meets an insurance scam artist in the hospital and uses leverage to collect contributions from him. 3. Divorce, American-Style — A neglected wife and workaholic husband argue about their material possessions, and end up destroying most of them. 4. As the Stomach Turns (soap opera) — More insane situations at Canoga Falls, where everyone has problems aplenty. 5. The Old Folks #4 — Another suitor tries to capture old Molly’s fancy, much to Bert’s dismay. Packet of 5 sketches with 13 scripts.
Other titles you may like: The Carol Burnett Show — The Old Folks
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